so ... you’re in love with a hollin hiller!
by stephen brookes
Congratulations, lovebird! Whether you’ve just started dating one, hope to meet one, or have already tied the knot, you can’t do better than a Hollin Hiller. Gorgeous in appearance, saint-like in character, as clever as Einstein and, of course, modest to a fault, Hillers are pretty much the apex of human evolution. You have chosen well!
But if you want your Hollin Hills romance to thrive, there are a few things you need to know. Hollin Hillers are as varied as snowflakes, and you’ll find we include architects, artists, musicians, architects, lawyers, teachers, architects, and many other professions (architects). But we share a unique culture, with our own language, taboos and even deities, and it’s easy to put a foot wrong. To help you navigate love’s minefield, here’s a quick guide to finding (and keeping) romance in Hollin Hills. Good luck!
♥ how to meet a hollin hiller
• Your best bet is to get a lovable dog (i.e. any dog), and take it for a walk. Something like ninety-three percent of Hollin Hillers met each other through their pets; a few more at their kids’ soccer games; and the rest at the egg toss in Voigt Park on the 4th of July.
• If there’s one thing that all Hillers share, it’s a never-ending urge to renovate their houses. Hillers are drawn to home improvement showrooms like moths to a George Nelson Bubble Lamp, and can often be found searching for happiness amid the kitchen faucets and tile samples. Head over to Ferguson’s, sidle up to a Hiller and purr: “why don’t we go someplace quiet … like Design Within Reach?”
• Hillers are insatiably curious about each others’ homes, so if you show up at a real estate open house any weekend, you’ll usually find more Hillers than actual buyers. Carry a copy of Dwell Magazine under your arm and strike up a conversation with, “You know, my vintage Finn Juhl “Pelican” chair would look great in here.” (Make sure you’re not talking to the agent; they will only pretend to fall in love with you.)
Step one: get the dog
Step two: get the ring
Step three: get the furniture
♥ how to go on a date with a hollin hiller
• Like the ancient Chinese, Hollin Hillers believe they live at the center of the universe, and have no need to go anywhere else. But if you’re out to impress, inviting your beloved to Modernism Week in Palm Springs is a sure-fire path to their heart. Not sure they’re worth it? Try a tour of the Pope-Leighey House down the street (honestly, a pretty cool date); a trip to Robert Davenport’s farm to pick apples; or, in a pinch, Netflix and chill with a documentary on Charles and Ray Eames.
• Joining your Hiller for a weekend clean-up party in the parks is a great way to demonstrate your love of nature (mandatory) as well as your hatred of English ivy (also mandatory). Wear muddy clothes and mention that you don’t mind “getting a little dirty.” Donuts will be provided.
• If your Hollin Hiller invites you to a party, you may find yourself surrounded by more designers and architects than you knew existed on planet Earth. This is normal for us, and more fun than it sounds! But please, for everyone’s sanity, never ask them to explain the difference between “modern,” “post-modern,” “modernist” and “contemporary.”
• If invited for dinner at your Hiller’s home, don’t mention how uncomfortable the furniture is — furniture is for beauty, not comfort! Chairs should ideally be teak, Scandinavian Modern, and bought in Copenhagen by a family member in 1952. Make sure you know your midcentury designers: at the very least, you should be able to identify an Eames lounge chair from two blocks away, by intuition alone.
Date night with the Eames
♥ the love language of hollin hillers
• Hollin Hillers speak their own language, which can sometimes lead to confusion. If your Hiller uses the phrase “open plan layout,” for instance, don’t be alarmed: they are not suggesting a multiple-partner relationship.
• If you seductively whisper to your Hollin Hiller, “Isn’t it getting a little … warm in here?” you should expect them to reply, “Why yes – I just replaced the original single-pane windows with Thermopane! Pricey, but worth it!”
• If you’re dating a Hollin Hiller, you will eventually hear them talking about Charles Goodman and Robert Davenport, often in reverential tones. Don’t be concerned. These are not their secret crushes – they are the architect and developer of Hollin Hills. And they are our gods.
Open plan … open relationship?
♥ important caveats
• Romance between residents of “old” Hollin Hills and “new” Hollin Hills is no longer forbidden, though it may still raise eyebrows in certain circles. Marriage between members of the Hollin Hills Pool and the Hollin Meadows Pool, however, is obviously madness. Do not attempt.
• At this time, marriages between Hollin Hillers do not need to be approved by the Design Review Committee. Check with the Civic Association for updates.
• Please note: this website is not a dating service. Inquiries will be redirected to the Friends (With Benefits) of Hollin Hills.
Thank you, and good luck!
– Stephen Brookes, Love Advisor, February 2022